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Texas Abortion Obstacle Course

The Paper Route

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

"As slim as your chances are for salvation, it's nice to see you keep trying."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"Seasonal depression and existential depression and political depression for the trifecta."

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

'It's chaps like you who are the backbone of these expeditions,Fanshaw.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

Me, Alice and God

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'Where do you see yourself in five years? Still looking for work?'

"Forgive me, Judge, but I've had a convenient loss of memory."

'I want to tap into my higher self.'

SUPREME COURT: thank you for not social engineering beyond this point!

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

In a surprising development, Judge Judy today banned cameras from her courtroom.

'Do you think the legal profession is modern and forward-thinking, Sir?'

"Every time we say we will uphold precedent, Trump tweets he wants us to uphold the president."

Sonia Sotomayor

Lend me a fiver - "Careful Dempster, this swamp is crawling with leeches."

"I don't get grounded. My dad's a judge so I get sequestered."

'So many loopholes, so little time.'

'Who'd you say recommended this place?'

Why did you think the prenup lawyer gave me such a good deal?

EXEC ORDER

Extreme Court of the United States

Creative Lawyers: Our Rates - Justice $300 per hour/Appearance of Justice $1000 per hour.