Judaism Scholar Pillows

'You never let us do ANYTHING!'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"I've got writer's block."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

The World's Biggest Book Club