Joyful Jackpot Lovers T-Shirts

Happiness Meter

Bribes for Jabs

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

"Would you please come with us, Sir?!"

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'Isn't that your fund manager?'

'There is no million dollar inheritance, just a lottery ticket for each of you.'

'Careful. The house always wins.'

Don't jump! You haven't paid your five bucks for the office lottery pool yet!

"Why is it that every time we get invited to a pot luck, they expect us to bring deviled eggs?"

Cat wins lottery and vows to carry on working.

"It doesn't matter how valuable the manuscript is to you, Charles."

'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'

Most liberal slots on The Strip

"No point buying our ticket here - the odds of them selling another big winner are ridiculous."

Lottery winner - 'Can I have it in pound coins, please? I need change for the bus!'

"Unbelievable! Me owning my own golf course! Mind you. . ."

'Could I return these scratch cards, I've only used them once!'

'Portnoy, in lieu of a raise or bonus, I'm giving you these 'instant winner' lottery scratch-off cards.'

"Do you reckon I could risk going out to buy a lottery ticket?"

When government depends on state lottery: Playing the lottery is lots of fun and a great investment plan!

How to win the Lottery. - Scratch 'n' read edition.