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James Joyce.

James Joyce

James Joyce

'You can't fool me, Mr. Free-Association. That's from 'Finnegans Wake'.'

"Why do they do that?"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What's normal?

"I believe I have just reached a whole new level of cozy."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

Designer Kangaroo Pocket

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

Jack in the Box

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play...

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'This condo is the height of luxury, The sprinkler system sprays Perrier,'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

A bride and her father walk down an aisle decorated with cost of the wedding.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

What could have been quite possibly the most hilarious dog joke ever is interrupted by. . . 'So I said, that's no bone, that's my. . . squirrel!'

"Of course it's not a mirage - mirages don't wear Chanel No 5."