Jovial Teachers Pillows

'You called for tech support?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

Celebration in operating theatre.

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

Artist angry at jogger running through his painting.

"So, is it like a foursome then, miss?"

Off the wall legal advisor.

Create Your Own Burger.

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

Going Shopping Together.

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

"Tell me more about these abandonment issues."

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

"I was very good...delicious in fact."

You're awfully cheerful for someone who's about to lose a murder case. You must have me confused with my client.

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'The challenge in teaching junior high is that the maturity levels can fluctuate from 12th grade to 3rd grade in a matter of seconds.'

Technically Speaking

'There goes my part as a wise man in the Christmas pageant.'

"I'm really glad that we're in this together."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

'Your horse is sure to win now that he's got rid of that little man on his back.'

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."

"Age, nothing - I'd be satisfied to play my weight"