Journey Jesters Pillows

'Are we nearly there yet?'

Halfway across the Hudson River Billy Joe realized he wasn't going to Elvis Island.

The Lost World: You are Here

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

Tourist

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

Pie chart of pub conversations

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

My first overseas holiday - and what a disaster! I spent most of the time in quarantine...

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Excuse me, Captain, but one of the passengers would like to know if you could land in a field so they can make a quick phone call."

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Backseat driver...'

Juggler entertaining a circus troupe at traffic lights.

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

The bus home.

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Conflicted Chief

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

Looking for a cool cat.

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."