Jolly Drinker Pillows

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

Balancing two espresso martinis

"Merry Christmas"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Malty tasking.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Elf of the Month

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

C is for Cracker

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

''Is there anybody there?'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

Parp!

"You will kindly address any 'naughty or nice' questions to my attorney."

'Drone Santa.'