Jokester With Tax Woes Pillows

Doing your taxes on the computer, Ernie? I'm trying --- but nothing happens when I press the "return" key!

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

'From January to May, I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

'The businessman's lunch is just like the regular lunch, sir, except that it's more heavily taxed.'

"Our property taxes went up agian."