Humorist With A Tax Twist Pillows

'Earn it...and they will come.'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

Tax relief

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"