Jokester With A Love For History Pillows

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

Nelson.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

First Speeding Fine.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

'Tender and Juicy.'

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Summer Reading

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'Okay, we'll release one hostage, for six weeks!!'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"An olive or a twist?"

'Me invent the wheel!'

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'

"He can't be very good, look at his face."

'I don't think you can just claim to have invented doctoring. I mean. . . don't you have to be medically trained or something?'

"Remember what I said...keep an eye on the arrows!"

'Wait! -- We'll never develop a meaningful relationship if you keep knocking me unconscious!'