Jokester Of The Digital Age Gifts

Things that never, EVER happen

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Some card-game puns

"I've got writer's block."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'