Jokester Dad Gifts

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

Why there are moms

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'Dad, is it true that before we had hard drive crashes, the dog used to eat your homework?'

My Dad vs. Your Dad Today.

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

"Your kind of course, dad."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'He has your nose and my ears.'

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"I've got writer's block."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well