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Why did the chicken cross the road?

The party, after you left

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"The judicial rulings are over here. That section is all lawyer jokes."

'Joking or non-joking?'

After years of abuse, mittens exacts his revenge...

'Stop complaining that we never go anywhere. You knew I was the little piggy who stayed home when you married me.'

'Sorry, ma'am, we don't carry snow tires for that!'

"Even more dangerous than crossing the road is being undercooked."

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

"Oh god, he's going for the jukebox!"

"I never know when you're kidding."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

Caveman is unable to attract venture capital for his square wheel invention.

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Hip replacement? He was never hip to begin with.'

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

"I'm the podiatrist around here!"

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

'We could both avoid this daily annoyance, sir, if you'd buy me an annuity!'

What does it cost to ask a question? What's your second question

"I've fallen and I can't get up."

Boo!

"I'm glad to hear you're finally fitting in." (Man has sign saying 'Kick me off the team' attached to his back).

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Ha ha... Very funny!'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'My mom says it's okay to talk to strangers as long as they're not Accountants or CEOs.'

"What the difference between these two old men?"

The only thing Fred hated more than weeds were weeds that made puns.

'I'm looking for software that will allow me to print my own money.'

'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'