Joke Lovers Pillows

'They want your underwear.'

"The tooth has to come out anyway, no reason why we can't have a little fun."

"There's a plus side to the credit crunch...My 'lenders elbow' has cleared up!"

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

'He's been this way since the Red Sox won the pennant!'

'Loophole, Loophole and Smith Accountants'

I can't believe what I see phobia. 'This is your new flying traffic reporter. I think I'm dreaming.'

'We tried artificial flies. We tried lures. We tried live bait. Nothing works...'

"You called for lawn service?"

'You'll be a new man after this procedure.' 'Good, send my bill to the new man.'

"We have a new and cunning plan - we're going to inject the Soil with Viagra."

'And finally. To my Nephew, Sid, who never laughed at my jokes, har de har har!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Mom, when you were pregnant with me, did I have a tracking number so you could check on my delivery status?"

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

'We just don't click anymore.'

"Papi, I made up a riddle!"

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Fred's having his mid-life crisis, Helen -- don't get too close.'

'Wow, I love your new piercing.'

"Say - I thought that was my intellectual property."

"Then the hard drive says to the floppy, 110010001110011..."

"You should've left room for a lot more days!"

Closing Laugh, Speech Therapy

"Don't mind me - finish the gag."

"That's the third time I've had to replace the clutch."

'We're looking for someone with a degree in mathematics who will be willing to work 25 hours a day.'

'You'll never be as good as Morecambe and Wise,'

'Sometimes it's hard to take Chief Laughing Horse seriously.'

I said, everybody out of the car! Jeez, I hate stopping clown cars!

'Look out! It's going to charge!'

'This is your final wish. Are you sure you want another cracker?'

'Got any road movies?'

'He's a big believer in missile-offense.'