Joke Lover Gifts

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

After years of abuse, mittens exacts his revenge...

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

When the st really hits the fan.

"Laughter is the best medicine, but your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I started out in creative writing, began dabbling a bit in creative finance and accounting, and before I knew it, wound up here!'

'We've decided to keep the hip, and replace the rest of you.'

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'Who can tell me where the declaration of Independence was signed?'

'Will you stop placing these obstacles everywhere?...'

'I'm looking for software that will allow me to print my own money.'

'That's my trick knee.'

'Jenkins, I asked you for some feedBACK... ah what the heck, it's almost lunch...'

'Ever thought of seeing a meteorologist?'

ATM. To verify you are who you say you are, stick head through hole.

'Sir, I'll need to see more than a birthday card to prove you're sixty five.'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

'Oi, you lot, I don't want any funny business.'

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'Hang on. Let me check my... why yes! There IS a penguin on my computer! What does that mean?' 'Your computer froze.'

'Bob's Window Repair' brick.

Falling down door

'I'm afraid our worst suspicions have been confirmed - we found slug, snail and a trace amount of puppydog tail.'

"Don't be alarmed by all this elaborate equipment, Mrs Dobson - most of it is cardboard boxes with a few pretty stickers."

"Okay, now what?"

Office of economic forecasting.

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

'Though you didn't actually attack the victim, your endlessly droning on about technical stuff did bore him to death.'

'Why did the accountant cross the road?'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'