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'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

After years of abuse, mittens exacts his revenge...

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

When the st really hits the fan.

"Laughter is the best medicine, but your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'I started out in creative writing, began dabbling a bit in creative finance and accounting, and before I knew it, wound up here!'

'We've decided to keep the hip, and replace the rest of you.'

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'Who can tell me where the declaration of Independence was signed?'

'Will you stop placing these obstacles everywhere?...'

'I'm looking for software that will allow me to print my own money.'

'Jenkins, I asked you for some feedBACK... ah what the heck, it's almost lunch...'

'Ever thought of seeing a meteorologist?'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'Sir, I'll need to see more than a birthday card to prove you're sixty five.'

ATM. To verify you are who you say you are, stick head through hole.

'Oi, you lot, I don't want any funny business.'

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'Hang on. Let me check my... why yes! There IS a penguin on my computer! What does that mean?' 'Your computer froze.'

"Okay, now what?"

'Bob's Window Repair' brick.

'I'm afraid our worst suspicions have been confirmed - we found slug, snail and a trace amount of puppydog tail.'

"Don't be alarmed by all this elaborate equipment, Mrs Dobson - most of it is cardboard boxes with a few pretty stickers."

Office of economic forecasting.

Falling down door

'What's your blood type?'

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

"If you throw it to me I'll introduce you to my financial advisor."

'A salesman is selling umbrellas in a rainforest.'

'Why did the accountant cross the road?'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"