Joke Gift Gifts

'Pardon me, miss, would you jump up and down for $20!'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

"For the missus or yourself?"

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

Bagel problems.

Solitaire card shark.

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'This milk smells funny.'

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

Garden Centre - "...she thinks she's getting a mink coat!"

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

Helicopter as a clothes drier

What are you doing? - 'I've set up an e-commerce site.' - 'What are you selling?' - 'Signed copies of my old boxer shorts.' - 'Washed £7. Unwashed £23.' - 'Yeah, baby. Market forces.' -

"Earbuds are tiny headphones."

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

'It was a get-rich-quick scheme. He got Rich and left quick.'

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"

Food Summit: 'The western delegate can't get through the door.'

"I'd like an exploding cigar and a Get Well card."

santa claus megaphone.

Fakir being hurt by acupuncture.

Father Christmases Hand Over the New World Crisis

Wise Guy Cookies

The effect of beans.

'Do you know what?... I wish I'd learnt how to swim!'

'Your boyfriend sure is hot...maybe a little too hot.'

An imprisoned reflection

Unsuccessful holiday ideas - Happy Slug Day.