Friend (joking Gift) Gifts

'It was a get-rich-quick scheme. He got Rich and left quick.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'I have here a virus so deadly it could destroy the world...Oh, darn that cat!'

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

Bagel problems.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Solitaire card shark.

A parrot business meeting

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

Fido phones

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

'This milk smells funny.'

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

Robinia Floribunda

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'You've been smarting off a lot lately -- Have you been fooling around with that 'Tree of Knowledge'?'

No, it doesn't come furnished.

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

"'Sideboard'? I thought it said 'sideboob'."

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

Helicopter as a clothes drier

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"