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"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."

Comic Character Job Fair. I turned down an offer to appear in an editorial cartoon. I didn't want to be drawn into an argument.

'... and remember. The league is cracking down on violence. If you start a fight, you'll be sent right to the penalty box to be neutered.'

'Get up. It's just a crack. No yolk, no foul.'

'For the last time, Murray! Stop crying 'Waiter'!'

Tonight's comedy show will be interpreted for the chronically offended

Corn Plaster

The Art of Comedy

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Why do they do that?"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

What's normal?

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"They're comfortable."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

"Eat me"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"She wishes to range free!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

"Congratulations. It's a chick."