Joining Culinary School Pillows

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

Picking pastries.

Cookbooks

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Rump roast?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I come here for the pepper."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Turkey Autopsy

"These things are delicious. Hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside!"

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Man's cooking explodes.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!