Graduating From Culinary School Pillows

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Well, that gut has the cool hat, but the other guy is actually cooking."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

Cookery Lesson.

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'I think it needs more punctuation.'

"In all my years of teaching I've never seen pizza dough spun into a triangle!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Counting ribs

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're the lid to my pot."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Picking pastries.

Cookbooks

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"I come here for the pepper."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Turkey Autopsy

"These things are delicious. Hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside!"