Starting A Culinary Career Pillows

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Pizza Expresso

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Counting ribs

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"You're the lid to my pot."

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Picking pastries.

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Cookbooks

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"These things are delicious. Hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside!"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"