John Donne Fan Mugs

"Oh come on, rejoin the party. After all, no man is an isl –"

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

Night Life: L.A.

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

Talkshow Scheduling Dept. I scheduled a guest how a book advocating a strong military position. You booked a hawk who's hawking a book!

"I've seen your latest project and I must say, it really stinks. I mean, it is utterly putrid. It totally reeks."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

'I'm redecorating my den and need a 16 point buck for the wall - see to it, Pendleton!'

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'As I said to Phil, 'Call a plumber!''

Sally Jessy Raphael

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

"You're like the grandpa I never had, Mort." "You never knew your grandpappy, Randy?" "Oh, no, I knew him. Grandpa Randy was an intrepid archaeologist who broke hearts and defeated villains all over the world." "‘Indiana Randy’s’ life story became the stuff of legend. They even made some movies based on his exploits." "I'm just saying you're nothing like him." "I was going to see those films back in the '80s, but the matinees were past my bedtime."

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

Retired Talk Show Host.