Job Seeking Humor Fan Gifts

'Candor is a plus.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

The bird feeder.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

"Fish finder."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation