Job Perk Enthusiast Gifts

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

Companies introduce 'Al Fresco' dining to improve employee productivity.

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'Get out there and keep your job!'

Perks

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I received matching offers.'

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Our dental plan consists of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

You are more than your job description.

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'