Job Market Commentators Pillows

'Are you actively seeking job rejection letters?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Now hiring.

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

Fired Big Shots Who's Who.

"We pay the living dead wage."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

Personnel. Portions of my resume have been redacted for national security reasons.

'As you know, this is a Right-To-Work-Cheap-OR-we-send-your-job-to-Asia-state...'

The Apprentice: Recession Special.