Job Juggle Enthusiast Gifts

"I can feel the economy turning around. Now I only need two jobs to make ends meet."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Brickie's Mate

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

Multitasking

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'