Job Interview Strategist Pillows

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'I require an enormous salary or I begin to doubt myself.'

This is classical in hiring: she is trying to unsettle the candidate to find out how he reacts point blank to the unexpected.

"Able to take flak - I like that!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

How are you at decision making?

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"