Job Hunt Strategist Pillows

"Oops! The padding just fell out of this résumé."

'You can start Monday if I don't find someone better.'

"I didn't get the job. Something about texting during the interview."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."