Interview Strategists Pillows

"When I said to make yourself comfortable..."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Cat job interviews.'

Bad Interview Technique

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

Presenter Auditions.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."