Job Interview Jitterbug Pillows

"What wine goes best with a job interview?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'What went particularly well?'

'I'm an equal opportunities employer, Mr Moore, but I would expect you to shave before an interview.'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

"So exactly when did your interest in health and safety start?"

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

Virtual interview.

'I admire how you don't take no for an answer, but I'm afraid I'm calling Security.'

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"I really enjoyed reading your CV, professor. However, we can't hire you, because you suffer from defective media image."

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

"Do you have any questions apart from 'where did I get my jazzy tie'?"