Interview Jitters Pillows

Sisyphus at a job interview. I see you're very persistent but not much of a multi-tasker.

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

Virtual interview.

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

"I love your enthusiasm but we were actually looking for someone who could do the job."

"I'm afraid we don't think you're really henge material."

"We don't think you're management material."

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Phil blows his interview before even sitting down.

"They said you'd be challenging."

Number two pencil, pretending to be a number one, fears that his deception has been uncovered.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?"

Ted's confidence quickly fades.

"We want someone who can lead in a crisis, but doesn't."

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

"Where do you see yourself, say, five recessions from now?"

Interviewing for a new Servant