Job Hunting Ninja Gifts

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

Now hiring.

"Raise your hand if you're the only one that's not getting let go."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

'A strong point in your favour is that you're not over-qualified!'

"Since you applied here your tech skills have become obsolete."