Job Disappointment Gifts

"Honey, can you bring me a drink? I had the worst day. That promotion I was telling you about? They gave it to a mallard. Can you believe it? A mallard!"

'We can't promote you to partner, but I will teach you our secret handshake.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Between Offices

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Not much money, glory, or praise

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"I've divided my workday into nine manageable segment that are each followed by a brief period of pessimism and regret."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."