Job Application Advisor Pillows

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Continuing education.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'