Jewel Jester T-Shirts

"Genuine? Of course it's genuine...zirconia."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

Tennis ball girl.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Crow and fox

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Clown Wedding with Rake

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'Rex here, is just like one of the family.'

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'And before we start, Higgins, I'd like to remind you that this is not a laughing matter.'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"Frankly, I don't really want him to improve: he scares the predators away..."

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

'The mysteries of hyena laughter deciphered.'

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled