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'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"This is skinny jeans Friday, Matt. Relaxed fit is next Friday."

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Bobbies library of jeans

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

I think I have a gilt complex.

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

"Fine. It's just that it'll take me longer to walk there in my skinny jeans."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'I often tried wearing my pants like that, but I always ended up forming other letters.'

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'Well, I love your paint-spattered jeans.'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

STRIP "I've tried everywhere to get a new winter court...but all the stores are full of next years summer collections"

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

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'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

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"I keep up with all the journals."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

A diamond robbery goes wrong when the hook catches the sleeping museum guard's hat