Ivory Tickler T-Shirts

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Predatory Pianos.

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

'Well, I'm not great virtuoso, but I do like to tickle the ivories every now and then.'

Concert pianist on his way to work.

Piano Shop.

'No, Jenny, there's no such thing as Poison Ivory.'

'No-one can avoid cuts!'

Piano Recital

Emmanuel Ax

"I am trying to keep it low key."

Concert Pianist.

Fingers

'This next song goes out to my great-great grandfather, whose tusks I'm playing on.'

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'My Pilot-Fish is on holidays, so I'm using a GPS System to find my way around...'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'I'll sure be glad when somebody invents cable!'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'I've never known a dog who gets tired so quickly.'

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

Good Cop, Annoying Kid.

Jerry Lordan

"Call me!"

Can I go to the Computer Tennis Camp?

"You've got night fever."

'That's not the frisbee I tossed for you.'

Punch Drunk