Irony Chaser Gifts

'Having the bomb, I no longer feel alienated.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"It's the dawn of a new era"

"Eat my dust!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"Needs to get a life"

Cactus seats.