Ironics Appreciator Pillows

'Reporting another metal theft, Sarge.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

65 Million Years Ago

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

Caution (arrow falling from sky sign)

Wine taster with mineral water

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

'So who's smoking?'

"Is your dog friendly?"

Zdeno Chara

Big business is not evil

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Are you free at the moment?'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"