Ironical Interpretations Gifts

"I'm on break, getting a hot dog...guy in front of me drops dead...heart attack!!..........guess who they blame?"

Sock Puppet in Literature

End the Winter Blues

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Oedipus

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

Statue of Liberty

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

'Most cases like yours, Mr. Johnson, clear up completely with a healthy dose of skepticism!'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

"Is this your work?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

'A credit card company has told us not to bother to apply. We're pre-disapproved.'

'and what do you do?'

' . . . but have you had a nice time?'

'Even I am going to vote for my opposition!'

Executioner hit in stomach bythe head he has just cut off

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

'Ok...so then we're agreed that it's all about me!'

"Rule #1: DON'T talk about sore throat club!"

Doorman with Angel Wings

"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"

Sorry gents. You gotta wear a jacket to get in.

"There must be a mistake, I'm a tee-total vegan!"

The Guy Who Mixed Up His To-Do List And His Bucket List

"This is Billy. He's an old washout."