Ironic Warriors Gifts

"I would be an animal-rights activist, but I have allergies."

Dog Nightmares

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

Hockey Season.

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

Ice Fly-Fishing with Doug

'C'mon, guys. That old geezer just leg pressed 400 pounds when he got up from the chair.'

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

Kids playing ice hockey for a medal.

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

Bored with retirement, the Great One tries crime.

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Gas Bill

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

Cats. All they do is eat and sleep. Truth is, they don't even do that well.

Mr Muscles competition

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

That night, Andy attempted to start a Twitter revolution.

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Meta data retention.

SOPA supporters regroup.

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'Insomnia, eh? -- Drink a glass of warm milk and watch some C-Span.'

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."