Ironic Tech Fan Prints

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"I looks like a Martian dropped their phone. And by the size of it, I hope they're friendly."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"First gig in a while?"

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

Milkshake Shortage

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

Amish personal mobility scooter

'How many more days until we let them know it's just a joke?'

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

Antiques.

'Floppy Disk Horror Movie.'

"But I'm hot on the trail of my Google doppelgänger."

'Judging by that old fashioned light bulb, your idea must be outdated.'

"If I get this phone completed, fire will follow."

'We can't just ignore it. At the very least, let me touch it up in Photoshop.'

'Hea-hea. . . that's an old AOL disk.'

"I just got a text from our smart garage door. It says: Oops, my bad."

Nethead strip: Hypnotised by the net

Phone Umbrella

What we thought Elon Musk did...What Elon Musk actually does...

"And I'm telling you you've got the wrong pole."

Scandal about listening on Facebook

Manual automation in the office.