Tech Irony Fan Prints

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"He was much more effective in the field."

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

'Try rebooting.'

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

Amish personal mobility scooter

'Judging by that old fashioned light bulb, your idea must be outdated.'

'Floppy Disk Horror Movie.'

"You can just leave it on that crag, thanks."

"If I get this phone completed, fire will follow."

'The poor shlubb -- his country still only has dial-up.'

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

"I just got a text from our smart garage door. It says: Oops, my bad."

Canadian Visa Application

"And I'm telling you you've got the wrong pole."

Scandal about listening on Facebook

Manual automation in the office.

'The error message said I made an illegal entry, but I never suspected it was anything this serious!'

'Could I check my email?'

'I didn't expect my own computer to stab me in the back.'

God works in mysterious ways.

Baby Daddy