Ironic Song Performers Pillows

"It's the hard knocks life for us..."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

Drunken singers in a public house

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Gigolo Diary

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

Open mike night presents: Rudy Park. You done left me alone … Cut out when I needed you most. How brightly we'd have shone … had you not given up the ghost. I done loved you baby. Now I just feel so bad-n-used. I'm a-goin' crazy … I got me the laptop low-battery life blues. That portable never loved you, honey child!

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

'We run a respectable business here, Miss Faversham, so, just a reminder, no twerking!'

"Hows the protest song coming along Bill?"

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

Born Cynical,,,,

The New Modern-Day Lament.

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"His schlock has gravitas."

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'

My Life as a Troll

If Global Warming is a left wing plot...it's a very good one.

Downcycling with Debbie

"Why didn't you give granny flowers...when she could water them herself?"

Robinson Crusoe's lucky day.

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder.

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

"Lemme tell you how I feel about high blood pressure, Mr. McGuinn."