Ironic Fitness Friend Gifts

"Give me a spot?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

Dog Weightlifting

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

'It's one of the less well known about dangers of a sedentary lifestyle!'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"If only legginess were based on circumference."

'I realize this is an advances aerobics class, but I still don't think we're ready to work out to 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"Let me help you, dear."

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

Moose is an environmental nightmare, Nana. I beg your pardon? The beef and cereal in his chow is worth 10,000 SUV miles. But consider his offsets. He cleans my floor with natural solvents. I don't need a power-sucking burglar alarm. He listens to all my problems, free of charge. And he saves me from having to join a gym. SO ... I am not ... reducing my canine footprint.

'You have to employ me. . . I may be 17 but my wii fitness age is 62.'

Happy new year, Ernie! Happy new year, Frank! This year I'm going to eat a healthy diet. Okay. I'm going to exercise more. Uh-huh. I'm going to get organized. Right. At least until Thursday or so. Then what? I'll resolve to leave well enough alone!

A Muscle checking out some shirts made for Muscles

Life before fitness trackers.

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

'Promise me you'll tell me if I gain a pound.'

The online exercise class was going rather well.

'I want you to touch your toes ten times a day.'