Ironic Commentary Fans Pillows

'I bullied so many kids with text messages I got RSI.'

Female Control Freaks Welcome.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Backfire

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Nice haircut."

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

The commentators want to run the officials...

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

I break for toilet paper

Bluewater security man stopping baby with hood.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

Alpha males through the ages!

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"This guy looks like he's really out of touch."

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

'She's dealing multiple prescriptions. This is the 3rd pharmacy today where she got these highly addictive Chocolate Bits.'

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

'He's been at it too long. Now, when the bell rings, Dr. Pavlov salivates.'

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

"I hear you're something big in the city?"