Ironic Commentary Admirer Pillows

"This is a good jumping off point for our final topic."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Wifi in Hell

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

How about going easy on the carbs

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Czarcasm

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"A haand gel...!?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Hot cross buns

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'