Investor Meeting Gifts

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Bo're'droom

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Lethal Presentation

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Wall St. or True Love.