Investor Meeting Gifts

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Bo're'droom

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Lethal Presentation

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Wall St. or True Love.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'