Investment Banking Gifts

Remembers: Elevators can go down as well as up.

Man stands outside investment bank holding sign: 'Will work for huge bonuses.'

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

British savings accounts

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Hollywood Sign Developers

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

In the Guru District

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

The president's men

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."